You Don't Have to be a "Good" Christian

But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 

Romans 5:8

I don't want to have to be a "good" Christian girl anymore.

This world too often defines a good Christian as someone who carries a bible with them, goes to church on Sunday, prays every day, talks to others about Jesus, volunteers – the list never ends. A good Christian is someone who fits into this highly selective category that we make up in our heads and hold as truth.

When we start labeling ourselves as either a "good" Christian or a "bad" Christian, we begin to obsess over how we can crossover into the "good" territory. We become preoccupied with trying to be good enough for God; but I believe that Christianity isn't about being good or being good enough.

Setting up this idea of what a "good" Christian looks like forces us into toxic patterns where we believe that God only loves the select few who are "good enough" for Him. For years, though, I lived it. I went through the motions of trying to attain "good" Christian life: Go to church. Pray. Be nice. I ran in circles in my faith, considering life with God just another thing on life's to-do list. But y’all, Christianity is so much more than trying to check off every item of a never-ending list entitled, "How to be a Good Christian." It’s the beautiful religion that whispered hope when there was nothing but darkness.

Yet, I spend so many of my days feeling that I have to prove myself, to show the world, to show God, to show myself, that I am good enough.

I spent nearly a year of my life trying to prove to God that I was the “good” Christian girl who was worthy of His grace. Worthy of His son dying for me, worthy of a perfect, infallible heaven. I spent so much time checking items off of my “good” Christian girl list: cuss less, love people better, read the bible more. I spent countless hours and days trying to fix myself so that one day I could possibly be good enough to be in God’s presence. I was broken, I knew that, and I was going to prove to Him that I was worthy of His son dying for me.

But the honest truth is: I’m not worthy. I’m a human who gossips about my friends, holds grudges for way too long and forgets to pray. By the worlds standard, I am not necessarily a bad person, but if you put hold my life up to God, I miss the mark by miles. The good news is that someone perfect, completely trustworthy, loving and so so good, can do all of the things I can’t, and He died so that I can live. There’s no right or wrong person for Jesus. He died for each one of us. Jesus broke stereotypes. The people He loves can never be categorized into a box. Jesus is for you. Jesus is for me. Whether or not either of us fits the bill.

With all of the rules we set up for ourselves daily, trying to achieve being the ideal Christian individual, it is so easy to fall into the trap of trying to gain God's approval and love. Satan has been working this lie into my heart and it’s one that I am refusing to believe. The truth is that we don't have to use our actions to earn God's love; we need to free ourselves from that lie because Jesus is enough and so so so much more. He loves us despite anything we could ever do. I truly believe that God has bigger plans for each and every one of us than a laundry list of don'ts—that God intends for me to grow more like Christ rather than more like a restrictive and repressive model of a "good" Christian.  

I truly hope that people can look at my life and see the amazing things Jesus has done and is doing in my heart, even though I am so unworthy of His perfection. Sometimes we forget (as a matter of fact, I forget all the time) that life isn't about what we can and can't create, it's about how we can run to and glorify our creator. We aren’t saved by our good works or condemned by the bad ones; we are saved solely by the grace of Jesus.  My prayer for everyone who feels like they are carrying the burden of needing to prove themselves to God is that you will break free from that lie. I pray you will realize that a relationship with God is way more than following a set of rules— it's falling in love with a God who died to know you.

So, I don’t want to be a “good Christian girl” anymore.

The constant wondering if I’m good enough, the nagging fears that I’m not. The guilt. 

But this, life with Jesus, this is the life!

I’ve given up on trying to please God -- I will never be good enough for Him, but He loves me anyway.

I’ve given up on trying to earn His love -- but it fills my heart anyway.

This is true freedom.

Now I’m falling, over and over again, in love with a Father who will not ever let me go.