I sat around for a good amount of time trying to think of a solid title for this blog post. I wanted to pick an adjective to sum up the year. But, as I looked back over a year that brought me an immense amount of joy and a fair share of pain, no adjective seemed to effectively be able to encompass my Freshman year. So, with that, this year was unforgettable. Here are THE Freshman 15. All the big things I learned during the year.


1. Life is not meant to be lived alone.
 Man, I met some really amazing people this year. Like REALLY amazing. Between having an incredible roommate, some seriously sweet friends, supportive mentors and professors, and a pretty cool boyfriend, I have learned that human beings are not designed to be alone. We were created to have people. People to laugh with, cry with, joke with - to live with. Being lonely stinks. Find your people. The people who will listen to you vent, who will give you advice (even when it's hard to hear), and who will love living life with you. This year, I was lucky enough to fall into an awesome community that quickly turned into being my support system.

2.  It's the little things.
 Cliche, I know. But seriously people. Way too often I find myself flying through life, hyper-focused on what's ahead of me. Where my major will take me, what my plan for the summer is, what my future will look like - blah blah blah. I would catch myself at random points during this year, spending too much time thinking about the big things in life that I was forgetting to even live! Small conversations with people, a quick stop to admire the clouds, a random phone call to a friend. Before I know it, these four years are going to be up and I don't want to miss a single second of it because I was too busy to catch the little moments. The little things (sorry cliche, again) are what make life big.

3. It's okay to say no. It does not make me less of a person.
 Going from senior year in high school, where I had finally figured out my routine and where I fit, to freshman year of college where I did not yet have a place, was a real game changer for me. I was very used to being busy, constantly. So, I quickly started to try to find things to do with my time - clubs to join, events to attend, the whole shebang. One of the sweet things about Gardner-Webb is that you don't have to look too hard to find ways to get involved. But, much faster than I had expected, I was overwhelmed. Boy, did things to do find me. "Do you want to go with me to...?" "Will you help me with..?" "Can you find time to...?" Ahhhh! Part of my DNA is that I find it very difficult to say no. NO. Two simple letters that I can't bring to come out of my mouth. I don't know if it's a fear of letting people down or wanting to appear a certain way... but I just can't do it. I spent a lot of the year learning how to gracefully decline. Learning that I'd rather have quality over quantity in my life. It is unfair to myself (and to the things I'm involved in) to try to do everything. 

4. People are in desperate need of love.
 One of the coolest things I have gotten to do this year is to become a Young Life leader. That's right. God chose to place me at Shelby High School to love His kids there. It's pretty sweet if you ask me. But, the more I wander those halls and hang out with those high schoolers the more I learn one thing. This world is broken. The further I get in life, the more evident it becomes. There is so much hatred, anger, and emptiness. Everywhere I turn I see people searching for fulfillment in all of the wrong places and they NEED love. They need God's love. God has broken my heart this year for high school girls and I can't wait to get to show them where the love they are looking for really comes from.

5. I can't pour out to others if I am not full.
 Young Life has taught me SO MANY THINGS. Even in the short semester I've been leading, God has been doing some big work. Like I said, those high schoolers are broken. They need Jesus and I want to show them who He is. BUT, that's not a job I can accomplish on my own. Lucky for me, God promised me I don't have to do anything alone. Through the semester (and through a whole lot of prayer) I have been learning how to lean on Jesus and find my strength to love people in Him.

6. Loving others isn't easy.
 Speaking of loving people, it's hard. Especially living with a group of 7 girls in a very small space, I have been challenged to love people better. Sometimes it is not something that my little heart is capable of doing. People are frustrating. And rude. And harsh. BUT, they all deserve love. Talk about tough. I have spent a lot of time praying 1 John 4:19, "we love because He first loved us." We choose to love because He loves us. We CAN love because He loves us. The love I have in my heart alone doesn't always go very far, but again, it's the kind of thing I'm learning how to rely on God for.

7. I deserve to be loved. 
 I spend a lot of time talking a lot about loving people. Because I sure do love people. I like making sure they feel loved and cared for - because they deserve it. But what I sometimes forget is that I deserve love too. A lot of times this year I have found myself settling for being pushed aside or for unfair treatment, but that is not what I deserve. I am so thankful for my sweet, sweet boyfriend, Erick, who reminds me every single day of that.  I deserve love, too. I deserve to be cared about, too. Not because of anything that I have done, but just because I exist. I am a Child of God, too, and because of that, I deserve love. Wow, what a hard lesson to learn and really accept. 

8. People matter most.
  Those random cookout runs and late nights that ended up turning into early mornings (whoops) are what I will remember about college. Truly. I look back over freshman year and don't remember too many of the nights that I spent studying (and trust me they happened a lot), but the adventures! The friends! Giving my time and energy to people was so worth it. These relationships are what will last when I get out of Gardner-Webb. 

9. Being present is better than being prepared.
 College is school. That's why I am there, to get a degree so that I can become a teacher. A lot of times this year I got swept away in class work. Hours of studying, piles of homework, and way too much stress. But, is class really the only purpose of college? Now, I'm not saying I didn't study at all, because that would be wasting this opportunity God gave me. But, I can say that to learn in a classroom is not my only purpose at Gardner-Webb. It is to grow. And to thrive! If I spent all of this year preparing for what was next instead of focusing on what was in front of me, I would miss God's purpose for my life. I would rather be present. It is SO much sweeter that way.

10. My plans are silly and will fail.
 Being honest, lacrosse is what got me to Gardner-Webb. I probably would have never heard of this sweet, little school in Boiling Springs, NC if my lacrosse coach hadn't pointed me it's direction. With that, my biggest plan when coming to college was to play four years of Division 1 lacrosse. That's what I was recruited to do, that's what I went to do. WRONG! I planned and planned and planned every little thing that I would have to do to have a successful lacrosse career, but, I learned really fast that my plans WILL fail. Randomly, out of nowhere, I tore my ACL. Again! For the 3rd time! What. I would have to get two surgeries (with 18 months of rehab) to fix it. Double what. After a lot of prayers, I learned that my plan for my life is not always God's plan for my life. So, no more lacrosse for me. But hey, I trust what God is doing.

11. I am not defined by what I do.

 Woah. This is something that is really easy to say but very hard to believe. All of my life I have labeled myself as "the lacrosse player." Or "the good student." What I did was who I was. Why do we believe this? Why do we think that we are defined by whatever we choose to throw ourselves into? This year I was shaken into knowing this wasn't true. After having to stop playing lacrosse or getting a less than perfect grade, I realized who I was was not falling apart. I am God's kid. That's it. I am not defined by anything I do. My worth doesn't come from anything I do. "You're a good, good father. It's who you are, and I'm loved by you. It's who I am." I have sung this over and over again this year, reminding myself of the truth in it.

12. Time apart is good and necessary.
 After my knee injury, I planned to finish my freshman year lacrosse season hurt. But again, my plans don't always work out because I was hit with a case of mono. No lacrosse. Mono made me tired. Things that I loved to do ended up being really exhausting. I had to take a step back from always running around rest. I spent a lot of time alone just relaxing and refreshing. I learned that the time I spent apart was good. It's really easy to get drained from running around all the time and our bodies need to rest.

13. Real rest, like good for the soul rest, comes from the Lord.
 Like I said, I was forced into a lot of time to rest. With mono, sleep was good. But with life, sleep doesn't always give me the rest I'm really looking for. More times than I would like to admit, life seemed to be flying 100 miles per hour around me and I thought I was going to break. I learned this year that the peace I so desperately wanted would only come from one place. Jesus. I was worried, anxious, and overwhelmed. God wanted me to trust. He wanted me to sit and just be with Him. To rest in Him. A comforting song by Casting Crowns says, "So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away, you're not alone, stop holding on and just be held. Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place. I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held." Mmm. Good stuff.

14. I am not perfect. I am human.
This fact of life is simple; we will face struggles as long as we're here on earth. Always. It's not a "maybe," it's a guarantee in scripture. This is a promise that REALLY frustrates me. I am not perfect and my life is not perfect. I have had to learn and know this year that my hardest battles have been filtered through God's hands and allowed into my life for the purpose of driving me into a deeper dependence on Him. I have learned that my imperfection and dependence on Him is sweet, not bitter. I have had to learn to embrace my humanity. In my feelings of sadness, brokenness, and disappointment, I am reminded of my constant need for Him. Really, that's what He's after. Not my perfection, but my heart. Not my sufficiency or my togetherness, but my dependence. Not my quick prayers when I thank Him for a good life, but my full and desperate attention. I have learned this year that my attention is fully His when I acknowledge and accept my humanity and desperately depend on Him second by second.

15. I AM loved. 
Man, God has been faithful. He has been good, through and through. Even when things got tough, I could still see His presence (even if it sometimes took a lot of looking). But wow, I am loved. I am overwhelmed knowing that there is a God who cares enough about me to provide for me and to stand by me. Mmm, what a sweet truth.

There it is. 15 BIG lessons I learned. I almost wanted to apologize for the lengthiness of this post, but I will not. I learned SO much from my first year at Gardner-Webb and I know that there are so many lessons to come. So, freshman year, thank you. Thank you for the joy, the pain, the memories, the friends, and all of the lessons. 

GOOD Friday

This week, Passion Week, what a week. A whole week leading up to celebrating the biggest displays of love the world has ever known. The crucifixion. 

This week my Young Life area director emailed all of the leaders in our area a short devotional that took us through the final week of Jesus' life. From His arrival in Bethany to His resurrection. As I was moving through the scriptures and looking more into the week before Jesus' death, I have learned a lot about Jesus' love for me. 
Specifically yesterday. Yesterday I read these verses from Romans 5:6-8:

"For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

These are verses I've heard over and over again but for some reason last night they hit me a little harder than usual. While WE were still weak... Christ died for the UNGODLY. That's me. I am weak. I am ungodly. And He died for me and my sins. 

This truth tears me apart. I am so unworthy of a savior, but He continues to love me. And the biggest kicker is, I still sin. Every single day. It's not like I learned the truth of Jesus Christ, heard that He died to give me life, and all of a sudden stopped sinning. It doesn't work like that. I fail over and over again. To love, to forgive, to sacrifice. This is because humans, by nature, are sinners. No matter how "good" we think we are, the ultimate truth is that we are sinners in desperate need of a savior. And I am a sinner. 

1 Timothy 1 :15 - Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners--of whom I am the worst.

The good good news, though, is that Jesus loves us so much that He chose to take on the cross so that we could have this life. He knew we were sinful and instead of turning His back on us, He came to earth to die in our place. He lived a perfect life to die a death that we deserved. He was the ultimate sacrifice. That's the gospel. That's the truth.

Romans 6:6-7 - For we know that our old self was crucified with Him in order that sin’s dominion over the body may be abolished, so that we may no longer be enslaved to sin, since a person who has died is freed from sin’s claims.

It’s because of the cross that we are no longer slaves to our own sin, but children of Christ.

It’s because of the cross that we can walk in freedom.


It’s because of the cross that we have full access to a relationship with God.

What a GOOD good Friday to celebrate!!!

You Don't Have to be a "Good" Christian

But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 

Romans 5:8

I don't want to have to be a "good" Christian girl anymore.

This world too often defines a good Christian as someone who carries a bible with them, goes to church on Sunday, prays every day, talks to others about Jesus, volunteers – the list never ends. A good Christian is someone who fits into this highly selective category that we make up in our heads and hold as truth.

When we start labeling ourselves as either a "good" Christian or a "bad" Christian, we begin to obsess over how we can crossover into the "good" territory. We become preoccupied with trying to be good enough for God; but I believe that Christianity isn't about being good or being good enough.

Setting up this idea of what a "good" Christian looks like forces us into toxic patterns where we believe that God only loves the select few who are "good enough" for Him. For years, though, I lived it. I went through the motions of trying to attain "good" Christian life: Go to church. Pray. Be nice. I ran in circles in my faith, considering life with God just another thing on life's to-do list. But y’all, Christianity is so much more than trying to check off every item of a never-ending list entitled, "How to be a Good Christian." It’s the beautiful religion that whispered hope when there was nothing but darkness.

Yet, I spend so many of my days feeling that I have to prove myself, to show the world, to show God, to show myself, that I am good enough.

I spent nearly a year of my life trying to prove to God that I was the “good” Christian girl who was worthy of His grace. Worthy of His son dying for me, worthy of a perfect, infallible heaven. I spent so much time checking items off of my “good” Christian girl list: cuss less, love people better, read the bible more. I spent countless hours and days trying to fix myself so that one day I could possibly be good enough to be in God’s presence. I was broken, I knew that, and I was going to prove to Him that I was worthy of His son dying for me.

But the honest truth is: I’m not worthy. I’m a human who gossips about my friends, holds grudges for way too long and forgets to pray. By the worlds standard, I am not necessarily a bad person, but if you put hold my life up to God, I miss the mark by miles. The good news is that someone perfect, completely trustworthy, loving and so so good, can do all of the things I can’t, and He died so that I can live. There’s no right or wrong person for Jesus. He died for each one of us. Jesus broke stereotypes. The people He loves can never be categorized into a box. Jesus is for you. Jesus is for me. Whether or not either of us fits the bill.

With all of the rules we set up for ourselves daily, trying to achieve being the ideal Christian individual, it is so easy to fall into the trap of trying to gain God's approval and love. Satan has been working this lie into my heart and it’s one that I am refusing to believe. The truth is that we don't have to use our actions to earn God's love; we need to free ourselves from that lie because Jesus is enough and so so so much more. He loves us despite anything we could ever do. I truly believe that God has bigger plans for each and every one of us than a laundry list of don'ts—that God intends for me to grow more like Christ rather than more like a restrictive and repressive model of a "good" Christian.  

I truly hope that people can look at my life and see the amazing things Jesus has done and is doing in my heart, even though I am so unworthy of His perfection. Sometimes we forget (as a matter of fact, I forget all the time) that life isn't about what we can and can't create, it's about how we can run to and glorify our creator. We aren’t saved by our good works or condemned by the bad ones; we are saved solely by the grace of Jesus.  My prayer for everyone who feels like they are carrying the burden of needing to prove themselves to God is that you will break free from that lie. I pray you will realize that a relationship with God is way more than following a set of rules— it's falling in love with a God who died to know you.

So, I don’t want to be a “good Christian girl” anymore.

The constant wondering if I’m good enough, the nagging fears that I’m not. The guilt. 

But this, life with Jesus, this is the life!

I’ve given up on trying to please God -- I will never be good enough for Him, but He loves me anyway.

I’ve given up on trying to earn His love -- but it fills my heart anyway.

This is true freedom.

Now I’m falling, over and over again, in love with a Father who will not ever let me go.

2014 Was SWEET

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

John 16:33

This past year was sweet (just like my title said). I spent it with great friends who I shared a million laughs with and a million more memories with. This year was seriously unforgettable. 

I had ups and downs (just like every other human being on the planet), but the good far outweighed the bad. 

I look back in pure awe of everything that God taught me in a short 365 day. I am going to try to sum up the main things this past year taught me; what experiences that caused endless joy and frequent grief, but were overall blessings to have encountered, taught me. So here are the 4 major things I learned throughout 2014:

Spend time with people who add value to your life.

Throughout 2014, I found people who made me want to stay up until 2 a.m. on the porch talking about life, who made me forget all the reasons to frown and give me a thousand more reason to laugh, and who pushed me to grow in my relationship with the Lord. One of my biggest struggles, though, was to remove people from my life who were ultimately bringing me down and were not helping me to reach my fullest potential. Once I realized that people could have a negative impact on my life, I realized I needed to make some changes. It’s like what Jim Rohn says: You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.

Want to be happy? Surround yourself with happy people. Want to be healthy? Surround yourself with healthy people. Want to become more confident? Surround yourself with confident people. Want to follow the Lord? Surround yourself with people who are also following Him.

In essence, we become more like the people we hang out with. The awesome thing about surrounding yourself with positive minded people, who have a habit of chasing the Lord with their whole heart and believe in making an impact according to His purpose, is that you’ll be inclined to grow in that positive direction as well! They will cause you to make a difference in the way you think, and consequently how you are living. Choose the people who add more value to your life!

You can't do it all and you don't have to do it all.

My goal in 2014 was to make every single day count and while trying to accomplish that goal, I wore myself thin. I was busy, stressed and mostly exhausted. I thought I would find joy in the quantity of the things I could accomplish - but, boy was I wrong. The more tasks I added to my agenda - clubs, volunteer projects, jobs, social events, leadership positions - the further I fell away from what I really wanted to accomplish. At the beginning of the year, I wanted to add quality to my days, and I went about it in the wrong way. I learned that instead of adding quantity to my schedule, I should learn to increase the quality of the things I already am doing.

Losing is sometimes the biggest win you'll ever have.

Looking back on 2014, some of my biggest losses stare me in the face - I tore my ACL, I forgot who my true friends were, I tore my ACL again, I missed the mark in school --- the list goes on. Yet, I feel like whenever I faced a major loss in my life, I think that's when Jesus was winning big. When life gave me a huge blow, I learned to look more to my steady Father and hold on less to this wobbly earth. When I lost things in my life that distracted me from the cross, Heaven was winning because I was coming home.

So this year, I pray that you lose. I pray that you let old habits and destructive tendencies stay in the past. I pray you lose time serving, loving, and laughing. I pray that you lose the things that distract your eyes and heart from your Father. It stings. It is painful. And it wrecked me at the time. And now I sit here, wrecked by grace, confident that it is worth it. Lose yourself for Jesus. Stop trying to create yourself, and start looking to the Creator. 

God is not something, He is the ONLY thing.

This one is probably the BIGGEST thing I learned this entire year, and am still going to be learning throughout 2015. God is the only thing that is constant in life. Through ups and downs - through friend changes, through joyful times, through injuries, through success and through failure - God is the same. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. I have been learning that God is my rock and He is constant and steady. Learning how to rely on His love and strength alone has been the biggest blessing throughout this past year.

Here are some things that made 2014 so SWEET:

I went to prom for the first time,

 I found my dream job and my dream college, 

I learned what it looked like to be fully devoted to serve the Lord,

I found a church that praises God like no other,

and finally, I figured out who my best friends were.

Praying 2015 is filled with as much joy as 2014.