New Years. Wow. This is one of my very favorite times of the year!

It's a fresh start!

A clean, blank page of your story!

This is a sweet gift from God to us: a brand new year, waiting for it's days to be filled!

SO dang sweet!

January 1st is such a fresh and new day. We are reminded in scripture that "His mercies are new every morning," and the new year is no different! God put in place rhythms and calendars for a purpose, and I do believe that He gave us the weeks, months, and years so that we have a way to mark our time. A way to look back and to look forward! And that is just what I am choosing to do at the beginning of this new year.

My theme for 2016 was GRACE. As with every year, 2016 was a year of mountaintop highs and seemingly rock bottom lows. My heart was filled and my heart was broken. I felt both joy and pain. There were times of incredible community and times of loneliness. Mountaintops and valleys, people. I saw them all. But what I also got to see was a glimpse into just how incredibly faithful, consistent, dependable, unswerving, unchanging, trustworthy and steadfast the God we serve is. I saw His grace. There was not one single time in my year, mountaintop or valley, that God did not use to drive me into a deeper (and so much sweeter) dependence on Him. He used my failures for His glory. When I was weak, He showed me His strength. He took me in my brokenness and allowed me to have a part in the glorious work He is doing around me. I was completely and utterly overwhelmed by His grace. And with that, I want to challenge YOU. To remind yourself of God's grace in your life this year (yes - even when your life seems hard, yucky and broken). Trace His hand of faithfulness. I don’t know what His grace has looked like in your life – maybe its shiny, new open doors or slammed-shut ones, maybe it’s healing or maybe it’s pain. But seriously, people. Do. Not. Miss. This. Our God is a God of abundant, overflowing, grace-giving.

And as for 2017... 

I spent a lot of time thinking about my 2017. One thing I know for sure is that it is going to be a BIG year! Not only will I finish up my second year of college, but I will also start my SENIOR year (weird, huh?). I have two internships lined up for the year - both of which I am over the moon excited for! Some things will be the same as 2016, too. I have the same, great job. The same, wonderful friends. And the same, loving boyfriend. I get to do life with the same, beautiful Shelby High School girls. A lot of same! BUT - I am excited for change, too. Excited for a couple new, fresh starts! A couple of exciting unknowns! A whole lot of good ahead.

For 2017, I made some goals for myself that I plan to stick to and reflect on often. Goals are my favorite! They help you to prioritize, dream and they set you up for a more intentional way of living! My goals include things like running a half-marathon (#kgrunsahalf!?) and starting (AND finishing) a book a month! But - more than goals, I have decided that I am going to choose to live my 2017 by a verse. 

Romans 12:1 - So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering.

This past summer when I was working at camp, my director read this verse aloud to us during the last few days of the summer. I stood there listening, leaning on the person next to me trying to give my legs a break from the morning. I was tired and fresh out of energy. Knowing that most of the counselors were feeling the same way, my director encouraged us to take whatever we had left, and give it right to God! He didn't tell us to rest up, so that we had something better to give. He told us to give Him our last bit of energy - every step, every conversation, every meal - everything we had. He knew we were spent, but He reminded us that even the little that we had left in us, we could offer to the Lord.

I think sometimes I fall into believing the lie that God doesn't want my "normal." I find myself feeling that what I have to offer on a day-to-day basis, just doesn't make the cut. What a silly thought! He doesn't just want my put-together, try-hard life - He wants the all messy, broken, and regular parts too. God calls me to lay down everything I have at the foot of the cross. To place my life before Him as an offering. And that is just what I hope to do during 2017! To begin each day reminding myself that everything I do is a chance to glorify, honor, and serve Him. My sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life is something that I can give to Him. I plan on re-reading this scripture often throughout the year, and spending lots of time in prayer - placing my whole life before God as an offering!

What are your goals, verses to live by, or words to hold onto for 2017?

Building Forts

This post was originally written
for Delight Ministries' Blog. 

When I was a little girl, I LOVED building forts. I spent my days constructing tiny (and oh so elaborate) homes out of anything that I could find. Stacks of pillows for walls, blankets for roofs, chairs as support systems. I channeled my inner architect, interior designer, and engineer all at once. Y’all – fort building in my household was no joke. As the child architect I was, I believed in extravagant and over the top. That included, but was not limited to, doorbells, windows that opened and closed, trap doors, and secret rooms. Sometimes, if I was feeling crazy, I would even venture into my backyard and collect the biggest sticks I could find and spend hours trying to balance them into perfect teepee formation (bless my 8-year-old heart). 

The building process was often long and frustrating (cue the tears when my whole masterpiece came tumbling down when I accidentally pulled on the wrong pillow). But, I think the part I actually loved, and what got me through the handiwork (or lack there-of), was the space of solitude the fort offered when I was finished. I would crawl through the small hole I left for a door, into a cozy (cramped) room – coloring book and flashlight in hand – and just be.

I was never a quiet kid, though, or even one who really liked to keep to myself. Quite the opposite, actually. I loved hustle and bustle. My house was utter chaos my whole childhood, and I loved it. Having two little siblings was enough to create a whirlwind of motion and noise in our small three-bedroom home. I thrived in that setting. I like to think I was made for a fast-paced lifestyle. But – deep inside of me – there was a little girl who craved quiet rest. I longed for a place that I could crawl into in the midst of a hectic day, and for my 8-year-old self that usually meant the two-foot-tall pillow fort that I had built earlier that day.

I look back on that sweet childhood and can’t help but wonder when and why I stopped doing this? When did I decide that I no longer needed a safe, quiet, all-to-myself place? Because let me tell you, life hasn’t slowed down - the chaos just looks a little bit different. Now, I am surrounded by the needs of people who rely on me. I am faced with a never-ending and always-expanding to-do list. My days are go, go, go and I am lucky if I get a decent amount of time to sit down and enjoy a meal. So – why did I stop taking the time to crawl into my fort? 

Because we are fully human, and not super-women (no matter how much we try to convince ourselves that we are), we are in dire need some sweet, sweet solitude. I can tell you right now we will not be capable of living the full lives that we want if we don’t understand the need for rest. And I’m not just talking about “let me take a three hour afternoon nap” rest; I’m talking about ”let me sit, quiet my heart, and lean into Jesus” rest. True, good for the soul, rest is not figuring out how we can empty our minds (binge watching Netflix anyone?) but giving ourselves a chance to fill our hearts with Christ – the giver of life.

Here is a truth that will set you free – choosing to spend some time with just you and the sweet Lord above is NOT selfish! Prioritizing your need for rest over the world’s need for you is not self-centered. Jesus emphasized this over and over in scripture. One time, Jesus sent His disciples out to do some hard work – kingdom building work. When the disciples returned back to Jesus, after doing what He had called them to do, the book of Mark tells us, “[Jesus] said to them, ‘Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.’ For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat” (Mark 6:31). The disciples were tired! They were worn out. Jesus didn’t look at them and say, “You need to do more.” He looked at them and said, “Come and rest a while.” How often do we find ourselves living the “no leisure to even eat” life? Even on those days, Jesus invites us (BEGS US) to come and sit at His feet and REST.

Sisters, start building your fort today. Seek out a quiet place where you can find refuge. A place where you can be away from the demands of the world and draw near to the Lord. That might be sitting on the twin XL bed in your dorm room or in a quiet corner of a neighborhood coffee shop. Wherever it is, whatever it looks like, find your spot! The spot where you can take the much needed and well deserved time to refresh your soul.

Just like the hectic and the chaos look a little bit different in my life now than it did when I was 8, so does the fort I build. Maybe it's less pillow walls and blanket roofs, and more time with a shut door and an open Bible.

To the Girl Who Has Had a Tough Week

This post was originally written for Delight Ministries' Blog. 

Can I be real with you all for a second? This week I cried a lot of overwhelmed, stressed-out, feeling-like-I’m-not-good-enough tears. It was just one of those weeks where I was feeling discouraged, beat-down, and broken. Don’t we all have those weeks every once in a while? The ones where we realize just how human we really are? I sure do. God has been showing me some cool things this week, so, sweet friend; let me share them with you.

We need to allow ourselves to be human!

Gals, I fully believe that our humanity is as much of a blessing as it is a curse. The fact of the matter is that we will have some JUNK in our lives on this side of eternity. All of us will - it’s unavoidable. God actually promised us that in His word. Let me tell you girls – that promise of struggle is REALLY frustrating to me. I keep waiting for it to end – I was sure that once I got to college most of my insecurities would be left in the dust. Well, that didn’t happen. I still struggle. As I grow up, I just realize more and more that I am nowhere near perfect, not even close! When I find myself being SUPER frustrated with my anxiousness and worry and any other not-from-God feeling in my life, I turn myself to some sweet scripture in 2 Corinthians 12. In this passage, Paul literally looks at God and says he will BOAST in his weaknesses because he knows God’s glory will be revealed in it.

In my life, this means believing that these hard and messy things I face have been filtered through Gods hands and allowed into my life with the ultimate purpose of driving me into a deeper and more intimate dependence upon Him. It means believing that even on the toughest days, when I literally pray 100+ times just to get through a class without crying, my dependence upon Him is sweet, NOT bitter. Honestly girls, it is FREEING to come to terms with this. It will completely change your perspective in the stuff that’s un-comfy. This dependence has freed me to accept that life is hard, embrace my humanity and allow myself to feel sadness or brokenness or disappointment – because that’s when I’m reminded of my constant need for Him. And really, I think that’s what God is after. Not our perfection or put-togetherness, but our hearts. All the realness, all the junk. He wants our dependence, our full and desperate attention. And let me tell you, I know I am fully His when I acknowledge and accept my humanity and desperately depend on Him.

Preach truth to yourself daily. 

It’s really easy for me to look at my friends and preach truth to them. You’re going through a hard week? GIRL, God’s got you – He is good at taking care of His kids. You’re feeling discouraged? Seriously, even those who faithfully walk with Christ go through deserts – hold onto the victory you have in Him! This is only a season. But, let me be really real with you – I am SO quick to exclude myself from these promises. I can look at God, recognize that He faithfully and lovingly lavishes grace on His kids – but somehow I consider myself exempt from that.

This week I started walking up to the mirror and preaching to myself. I know that sounds SO CHEESY – but it works. I look myself in the eyes in my bathroom mirror and start reminding myself of the big picture truth of the Gospel. That a perfect and loving God came down from His nice and lavish heavenly kingdom and literally went to HELL AND BACK because He loved ME that much. I remind myself that – as messy my life feels- nothing can change that truth. That same Savior – the one who walked out of the tomb – is drawing my heart nearer and nearer to Him daily.

All of that to say, I pray you ladies remember the hope we have in Christ. I pray that even in your deepest pits, you would remember that you are not for one second walking (or crawling) alone - and that even when you cannot see it, you serve a righteous, loving and powerful God who is fighting for you as you sit still in His presence.

To a High School Girl, From Your Young Life Leader

To my sweet and beautiful friends at Shelby High School,

I can't even begin to explain to you how much of a gift it is to be your friend, what a gift it has been for me to meet and get to know you over the past few months. I thank God over and over again for YOU. 

Thank you for not being too creeped out when a strange college girl came over and tried to talk to you in the cafeteria, in the carpool line, or at some random sports game. What is crazy and so incredible to me, is that on that day, each of those random and awkward introductions were ordained by God, and now, those "random" encounters are turning into lifelong friendships.

Please know that I love you. I will forever love you and will forever be praying that the Lord will continue to reveal his love to you. As I have the pleasure of walking through life with you, through successes and failures, love and heartbreak, joy and sadness, there are a few things I want you to know; things I hope you will never ever forget. These are things that I've learned in life so far and they are truths that have changed me from the inside out. Truths I constantly remind myself of, and they are true for you as well.

1. You are loved beyond measure. 

You are loved not because of anything you have done or will do, not because you have earned it or deserved it, not because of the way you look or how you dress, not because of your academic, athletic, or social performance, but YOU ARE LOVED because you are the beloved and beautiful daughter of God.  He created you; He has given you value, and His love for you will never waiver. He will never ever stop loving you, He will never give up on you, and He cares for you more than anything else in all creation.

“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Romans 8:38-39

“You are my beloved Son (or daughter); with you I am well pleased.”

Luke 3:22

2. You were born to live a full life with Jesus. 

If I have learned one thing over the past years, it is that God’s plan is way bigger and way better than anything I could plan or imagine for myself. It’s scary to trust God and live life building and growing a relationship with a God you can’t always see or feel, but I promise that living life with Jesus is the best adventure you could ever have. Life is hard, and I would not have survived all life’s struggles and hardships without Him. He is the only one who has brought real joy, laughter, and hope out my life’s hardest struggles and pain; He wants to do the same for you and with you. Talk to him (pray), continue to read about his life and how he interacted with the people around him, and don’t forget that he wants to be a part of your life; he will always be there for you to turn to.

“I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”

Jesus speaking in John 10:10

3. You are imperfect and you will fail. 

It’s true, no matter how hard you try to be the perfect student, friend, girlfriend, sister, daughter, athlete, and one-day wife and mom, it will never happen. You will never have your life all together, but that’s okay. You, my dear sweet friend, were not made to be perfect; you were not created to have it all together. One of my favorite authors, Emily Freeman, says it beautifully, “You are not responsible to have it all together. You are free to respond to the One who holds all things in his hands.” Find freedom in knowing that you will never be perfect but that Jesus was and is, and He willingly shares His perfection with you. Rest in Him. Trust Him. He is the perfect one, after all.

“For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.”

Romans 7:15

“For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep doing.”

Romans 7:18-19

4. God has more grace and love for you than you have the ability to sin and reject him. 

God’s love for you is beyond compare; there is nothing as strong, as powerful, as confident, or as permanent as God’s love for you. And in his love there is grace. That means that God knows the worst of the worst things you have done and will do. He knows about when you betrayed your friends, your family, Him; He knows when you lie, cheat, steal, and disobey. He knows when you choose your own selfish desires over the feelings of others, and He has already forgiven you. He has already paid the penalty for all of the crappy things you have done and will do (a.k.a. your sin) with His death on the cross. Why? So he can be in a relationship with you, so you don’t have to be perfect anymore, and so you can rest and just live and enjoy life with him. Ladies, this is the greatest love story ever, this Man did and will do anything and everything to capture your attention and your heart. Give your heart to Him! He will take better care of it than any other boy on the earth.

“If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?” 

Romans 8:31-32

“For God has consigned all to disobedience, that he may have mercy on all.”

Romans 11:32

5. You are the Lord's. 

He did it all just for you; he came to earth, died on a cross, raised from death to bring you hope and prove His power. He created you in your mother’s womb, loved you before you breathed your first breath and has called you his precious daughter. He is working constantly for you, to bring you life, freedom, hope and joy. He wants to bring peace out of the war in your life, joy out of the sorrow, and love out of the hate. He wants to walk with you into the Promised Land, all you have to do is trust and walk with him. Let him fight for you. Let him bring hope and light and true beauty into your life. 

“The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.”

Exodus 14:14

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Joshua 1:9

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

Jesus speaking in John 16:33

So my dear, sweet, and beautiful friends, this is why and how I have been able to love you over the past year. Jesus' love changed me life;  He alone gave me the boldness and courage to talk to you on that random (but perfectly ordained) day. He gave me all the love, life, joy and kindness to share with you. He gave me the strength to wake up early and have breakfast with you before 7am because he wanted YOU to know that you are worth it. You are worth being celebrated and being known. He wanted you to feel love, life, joy and kindness, and what a gift it has been for me, that I was chosen by him for this task.  My friend, I love you. With all of my heart I care for you and want to know you. I want so badly for you to see that you are important, not only to me, but to the God who created you.

With Love (and a large chunk of my heart),

Your Young Life leader,

Kieran

A Letter to my Young Teenage Self

To my young, teenage, worrisome, boy crazy, perfection seeking self:

I know how you're feeling right now. I also know that you are very skeptical to anyone who claims to understand what you're going through. You feel tired, worn out, and alone. You feel like no matter what you do, you are never good enough. You didn't do well enough on that test. You feel like you do everything you can, and that boy still doesn't like you. You feel like you are ugly. You think that no body likes you or wants to be your friend.You think you are worthless.

I know. Life gets hard. You feel like you're running in circles chasing after something that is only getting further and further away. I know. I've been there.

I am here to tell you that it will be okay. These things in life that you have been worrying about will fade. And I have one simple truth that I want you to hold onto for the next few years.

You are loved beyond measure.

You are loved not because of anything you have done or will do, not because you have earned it or deserved it, not because of the way you look or how you dress, not because of your academic, athletic, or social performance, but YOU ARE LOVED because you are the beloved and beautiful daughter of God. He created you; He has given you value, and His love for you will never waiver. He will never ever stop loving you, He will never give up on you, and He cares for you more than anything else in all creation. He chose to create YOU. The exact way you are, every strength, weakness, perfection, and imperfection, HE created for a purpose. The God of the universe makes no mistakes and certainly there is nothing about you that He would change.

So, to my younger self, breathe. It will all be okay. You are perfect. You are SO loved. You have a heavenly father who cares for you and will never stop chasing you.

Do not worry about that grade, that number does NOT define your worth.

Do not worry about him, you deserve to be treated so much better than that.

Do not worry about the past, it will all lead up to something more beautiful than you can ever imagine.

Do not worry about the way that you look, you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Do not worry about what they think of you, you are cherished and adored by the One true King.

Sincerely, 

Your older (and hopefully wiser) self

Psalm 139:13-18: For you created my inmost being you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. 

Romans 8:38-39: For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Luke 3:22: You are my beloved Son (or daughter); with you I am well pleased.

Fear

Tomorrow (yes TOMORROW), I will be leaving for a 10-day mission trip to Arusha, Tanzania. Tanzania. That's in Africa people. Ten days dedicated to loving and serving God's people. Sound pretty sweet to me! I'm excited, but man, am I nervous. A new place, almost twenty hours on a plane. Heck, I've never even been out of the country (or on a plane ride longer than 2 hours)! I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little bit scared of this whole thing.

I remember back in September my roommate and I said "hey, we should go to Africa!" And that was it. We signed up on a whim. An opportunity presented itself and we took it. Then after months of fundraising, team meetings, and preparing, all of a sudden this trip is tomorrow! Woah. My nerves are setting in big time. Between last minute packing and realizing that in under 24 hours I'll be sitting on a plane somewhere, my heart starts beating a little faster. It doesn't feel like excitement, though. Don't get me wrong, I am SO excited for this trip. I can't wait to see how God will use us and change us for His purpose, but this feeling today is straight fear. I am scared to go on this trip. Woah, weird to admit. It's uncomfortable and I have no idea what to expect. God is taking me a step out of my comfort zone big time on this one.

Fear. A simple, four letter word that so easily takes over in our hearts. It cripples us. It works against us and tries to keep us from doing what God created us to do. So, what am I scared of? Well for one, I am scared of airports (irrational I know). During this trip, I'll be in FIVE different airports.  I'm scared because I won't be able to communicate with people. Do I speak Swahili? HECK NO. I am scared that I'm not the kind of person made for this type of thing. Yikes. I am scared I won't make any type of impact. Can we REALLY make a difference in 10 days? 

So. What is the underlying fear here? I am scared I am inadequate. That I am not "good enough" to go on a mission trip and try to make a difference. It's something I've never done before and am definitely not comfortable with. And, the closer I get to leaving for Tanzania, the more I realize it's not just this 10-day trip that I'm scared of. I am scared God won't be able to use a regular 19-year old girl like me. In Africa and quite frankly, in life. My insecurity and fear go further than Tanzania - it finds it's way into every piece of my life. Not going to lie, it's super weird admitting this in writing. I have a feeling, though, that a lot of people think this way. We all like to feel strong, smart, and in control. That means as soon as we start to feel stretched or pushed past our limits, we hit the brakes, slam into reverse, and crawl right back into our comfort zones. But WHY! Why do we so easily let this fear and insecurity consume us? It fills our thoughts and is evident in our actions. It's debilitating. Fear doesn't just hurt us when we head overseas, it hurts us every dang day. Not just on mission trips, but in our life's mission. 

I'm here to tell you (and truthfully, preach to myself) that this kind of fear is something that comes straight from the devil. It's a little whisper from the enemy that says, "you aren't good enough," and attempts to take root in our hearts, mind, and soul to derail us from living out God's purpose for our lives! John 10:10, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy." Fear is deceptive. The devil is deceptive. He comes to (try to) steal our joy, (try to) kill our faith in the Lord, and (try to) destroy what God has planned for us. When God nudges me out of my comfort zone, my natural thought is, "Who... me? I can't do that!" Fear causes me to hesitate before stepping out in faith. It leads me to worry about what lies ahead of me. It continues to hurt and hurt and hurt my life. 

How do we deal with this, though? That, my friends, is something that I'm still learning. In my relationships, in my commitments, and in my day-to-day life. Romans 8:15 says, “For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the spirit of sonship.” Hebrews 4:16 says, “Let us with confidence draw near to the throne of grace that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” It's crazy to me how quickly we can fall into fear. How quickly we can forget that we are God's KIDS and He promised to love us and be faithful to us. He invites us to do things way beyond what we think we are capable of so that we can grow to see who HE is and what HE can do. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says that God's power is made perfect in MY weakness. In MY fear. His name is glorified. So, as I am about to leave for this trip (in less than 24 hours - eeek!), what truth am I going to choose to believe? That I am inadequate? Or that the Lord of the UNIVERSE is present in my life? From Isaiah 45: “This is what the Lord says, ‘I will go before you, and level the mountains. I will smash down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. And I will give you treasures hidden in darkness–secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the LORD,  the God of Isreal , the one who calls YOU by name.” Woah. He is going before me. In every uncomfortable situation that I find myself in. In this mission trip, in my relationships, in everything. He is calling MY name and showing HIS goodness. It is a minute my minute CHOICE to be in HIS presence instead of choosing to live in fear and insecurity. 

I wish I could finish this post telling you that I am fully confident and ready to go on this trip tomorrow, no fears. But that would just not be true. Fears, doubts, and insecurities still remain hidden in the depths of my heart. But, I know my God is big. He can and WILL work through these fears. I know my name is written on the palm of His hand and He is using this trip (and all of my life's fears) to tell about His glory through it all.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

Freshman 15

I sat around for a good amount of time trying to think of a solid title for this blog post. I wanted to pick an adjective to sum up the year. But, as I looked back over a year that brought me an immense amount of joy and a fair share of pain, no adjective seemed to effectively be able to encompass my Freshman year. So, with that, this year was unforgettable. Here are THE Freshman 15. All the big things I learned during the year.


1. Life is not meant to be lived alone.
 Man, I met some really amazing people this year. Like REALLY amazing. Between having an incredible roommate, some seriously sweet friends, supportive mentors and professors, and a pretty cool boyfriend, I have learned that human beings are not designed to be alone. We were created to have people. People to laugh with, cry with, joke with - to live with. Being lonely stinks. Find your people. The people who will listen to you vent, who will give you advice (even when it's hard to hear), and who will love living life with you. This year, I was lucky enough to fall into an awesome community that quickly turned into being my support system.

2.  It's the little things.
 Cliche, I know. But seriously people. Way too often I find myself flying through life, hyper-focused on what's ahead of me. Where my major will take me, what my plan for the summer is, what my future will look like - blah blah blah. I would catch myself at random points during this year, spending too much time thinking about the big things in life that I was forgetting to even live! Small conversations with people, a quick stop to admire the clouds, a random phone call to a friend. Before I know it, these four years are going to be up and I don't want to miss a single second of it because I was too busy to catch the little moments. The little things (sorry cliche, again) are what make life big.

3. It's okay to say no. It does not make me less of a person.
 Going from senior year in high school, where I had finally figured out my routine and where I fit, to freshman year of college where I did not yet have a place, was a real game changer for me. I was very used to being busy, constantly. So, I quickly started to try to find things to do with my time - clubs to join, events to attend, the whole shebang. One of the sweet things about Gardner-Webb is that you don't have to look too hard to find ways to get involved. But, much faster than I had expected, I was overwhelmed. Boy, did things to do find me. "Do you want to go with me to...?" "Will you help me with..?" "Can you find time to...?" Ahhhh! Part of my DNA is that I find it very difficult to say no. NO. Two simple letters that I can't bring to come out of my mouth. I don't know if it's a fear of letting people down or wanting to appear a certain way... but I just can't do it. I spent a lot of the year learning how to gracefully decline. Learning that I'd rather have quality over quantity in my life. It is unfair to myself (and to the things I'm involved in) to try to do everything. 

4. People are in desperate need of love.
 One of the coolest things I have gotten to do this year is to become a Young Life leader. That's right. God chose to place me at Shelby High School to love His kids there. It's pretty sweet if you ask me. But, the more I wander those halls and hang out with those high schoolers the more I learn one thing. This world is broken. The further I get in life, the more evident it becomes. There is so much hatred, anger, and emptiness. Everywhere I turn I see people searching for fulfillment in all of the wrong places and they NEED love. They need God's love. God has broken my heart this year for high school girls and I can't wait to get to show them where the love they are looking for really comes from.

5. I can't pour out to others if I am not full.
 Young Life has taught me SO MANY THINGS. Even in the short semester I've been leading, God has been doing some big work. Like I said, those high schoolers are broken. They need Jesus and I want to show them who He is. BUT, that's not a job I can accomplish on my own. Lucky for me, God promised me I don't have to do anything alone. Through the semester (and through a whole lot of prayer) I have been learning how to lean on Jesus and find my strength to love people in Him.

6. Loving others isn't easy.
 Speaking of loving people, it's hard. Especially living with a group of 7 girls in a very small space, I have been challenged to love people better. Sometimes it is not something that my little heart is capable of doing. People are frustrating. And rude. And harsh. BUT, they all deserve love. Talk about tough. I have spent a lot of time praying 1 John 4:19, "we love because He first loved us." We choose to love because He loves us. We CAN love because He loves us. The love I have in my heart alone doesn't always go very far, but again, it's the kind of thing I'm learning how to rely on God for.

7. I deserve to be loved. 
 I spend a lot of time talking a lot about loving people. Because I sure do love people. I like making sure they feel loved and cared for - because they deserve it. But what I sometimes forget is that I deserve love too. A lot of times this year I have found myself settling for being pushed aside or for unfair treatment, but that is not what I deserve. I am so thankful for my sweet, sweet boyfriend, Erick, who reminds me every single day of that.  I deserve love, too. I deserve to be cared about, too. Not because of anything that I have done, but just because I exist. I am a Child of God, too, and because of that, I deserve love. Wow, what a hard lesson to learn and really accept. 

8. People matter most.
  Those random cookout runs and late nights that ended up turning into early mornings (whoops) are what I will remember about college. Truly. I look back over freshman year and don't remember too many of the nights that I spent studying (and trust me they happened a lot), but the adventures! The friends! Giving my time and energy to people was so worth it. These relationships are what will last when I get out of Gardner-Webb. 

9. Being present is better than being prepared.
 College is school. That's why I am there, to get a degree so that I can become a teacher. A lot of times this year I got swept away in class work. Hours of studying, piles of homework, and way too much stress. But, is class really the only purpose of college? Now, I'm not saying I didn't study at all, because that would be wasting this opportunity God gave me. But, I can say that to learn in a classroom is not my only purpose at Gardner-Webb. It is to grow. And to thrive! If I spent all of this year preparing for what was next instead of focusing on what was in front of me, I would miss God's purpose for my life. I would rather be present. It is SO much sweeter that way.

10. My plans are silly and will fail.
 Being honest, lacrosse is what got me to Gardner-Webb. I probably would have never heard of this sweet, little school in Boiling Springs, NC if my lacrosse coach hadn't pointed me it's direction. With that, my biggest plan when coming to college was to play four years of Division 1 lacrosse. That's what I was recruited to do, that's what I went to do. WRONG! I planned and planned and planned every little thing that I would have to do to have a successful lacrosse career, but, I learned really fast that my plans WILL fail. Randomly, out of nowhere, I tore my ACL. Again! For the 3rd time! What. I would have to get two surgeries (with 18 months of rehab) to fix it. Double what. After a lot of prayers, I learned that my plan for my life is not always God's plan for my life. So, no more lacrosse for me. But hey, I trust what God is doing.

11. I am not defined by what I do.

 Woah. This is something that is really easy to say but very hard to believe. All of my life I have labeled myself as "the lacrosse player." Or "the good student." What I did was who I was. Why do we believe this? Why do we think that we are defined by whatever we choose to throw ourselves into? This year I was shaken into knowing this wasn't true. After having to stop playing lacrosse or getting a less than perfect grade, I realized who I was was not falling apart. I am God's kid. That's it. I am not defined by anything I do. My worth doesn't come from anything I do. "You're a good, good father. It's who you are, and I'm loved by you. It's who I am." I have sung this over and over again this year, reminding myself of the truth in it.

12. Time apart is good and necessary.
 After my knee injury, I planned to finish my freshman year lacrosse season hurt. But again, my plans don't always work out because I was hit with a case of mono. No lacrosse. Mono made me tired. Things that I loved to do ended up being really exhausting. I had to take a step back from always running around rest. I spent a lot of time alone just relaxing and refreshing. I learned that the time I spent apart was good. It's really easy to get drained from running around all the time and our bodies need to rest.

13. Real rest, like good for the soul rest, comes from the Lord.
 Like I said, I was forced into a lot of time to rest. With mono, sleep was good. But with life, sleep doesn't always give me the rest I'm really looking for. More times than I would like to admit, life seemed to be flying 100 miles per hour around me and I thought I was going to break. I learned this year that the peace I so desperately wanted would only come from one place. Jesus. I was worried, anxious, and overwhelmed. God wanted me to trust. He wanted me to sit and just be with Him. To rest in Him. A comforting song by Casting Crowns says, "So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away, you're not alone, stop holding on and just be held. Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place. I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held." Mmm. Good stuff.

14. I am not perfect. I am human.
This fact of life is simple; we will face struggles as long as we're here on earth. Always. It's not a "maybe," it's a guarantee in scripture. This is a promise that REALLY frustrates me. I am not perfect and my life is not perfect. I have had to learn and know this year that my hardest battles have been filtered through God's hands and allowed into my life for the purpose of driving me into a deeper dependence on Him. I have learned that my imperfection and dependence on Him is sweet, not bitter. I have had to learn to embrace my humanity. In my feelings of sadness, brokenness, and disappointment, I am reminded of my constant need for Him. Really, that's what He's after. Not my perfection, but my heart. Not my sufficiency or my togetherness, but my dependence. Not my quick prayers when I thank Him for a good life, but my full and desperate attention. I have learned this year that my attention is fully His when I acknowledge and accept my humanity and desperately depend on Him second by second.

15. I AM loved. 
Man, God has been faithful. He has been good, through and through. Even when things got tough, I could still see His presence (even if it sometimes took a lot of looking). But wow, I am loved. I am overwhelmed knowing that there is a God who cares enough about me to provide for me and to stand by me. Mmm, what a sweet truth.

There it is. 15 BIG lessons I learned. I almost wanted to apologize for the lengthiness of this post, but I will not. I learned SO much from my first year at Gardner-Webb and I know that there are so many lessons to come. So, freshman year, thank you. Thank you for the joy, the pain, the memories, the friends, and all of the lessons. 

When Life is Overwhelming

There comes a point in all of our lives where we feel tired, worn out, and overwhelmed. It is inevitable. It starts to feel like everything is crashing down around you and you don't know what to do. Life feels like it's beating you down. Just remember, you are not alone. Amazingly, God already knew you would be feeling this way before you did, and there are many pieces of scripture that can provide comfort to us in times like this!!! 

1. "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8

You, my dear friend, are not alone! The God of the universe is going before you EVERY single day and is by your side through every struggle that you face. Find comfort in the fact that He is with you always.

2. "Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

When you feel overwhelmed, God wants you to go to Him. When life feels like too much, frankly it stinks. But, ultimately, He is the only person you will find rest in. When you feel tired and life is hard, God is waiting for you to turn to Him!

3. "Have you not known? Have you not heard? The lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable." Isaiah 40:20

Do not be afraid to turn to God because no problem is too large for Him! When you feel overwhelmed, He doesn't. When you feel tired, He doesn't! What an incredible truth to hold on to when we feel like life is winning.

4. "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

God already told us that we will face troubles. Don't get me wrong, trials suck, but they are not a surprise. In Him reminding us that we will face them, He also reminds us that He has overcome every struggle the world through His work on the cross!

5. "Despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us." Romans 8:37

So, when life feels like it's winning, do not worry because the true victory is ours through Christ! How encouraging to know that despite everything we are facing, God loves us and cares for us so deeply.