I sat around for a good amount of time trying to think of a solid title for this blog post. I wanted to pick an adjective to sum up the year. But, as I looked back over a year that brought me an immense amount of joy and a fair share of pain, no adjective seemed to effectively be able to encompass my Freshman year. So, with that, this year was unforgettable. Here are THE Freshman 15. All the big things I learned during the year.
1. Life is not meant to be lived alone.
Man, I met some really amazing people this year. Like REALLY amazing. Between having an incredible roommate, some seriously sweet friends, supportive mentors and professors, and a pretty cool boyfriend, I have learned that human beings are not designed to be alone. We were created to have people. People to laugh with, cry with, joke with - to live with. Being lonely stinks. Find your people. The people who will listen to you vent, who will give you advice (even when it's hard to hear), and who will love living life with you. This year, I was lucky enough to fall into an awesome community that quickly turned into being my support system.
2. It's the little things.
Cliche, I know. But seriously people. Way too often I find myself flying through life, hyper-focused on what's ahead of me. Where my major will take me, what my plan for the summer is, what my future will look like - blah blah blah. I would catch myself at random points during this year, spending too much time thinking about the big things in life that I was forgetting to even live! Small conversations with people, a quick stop to admire the clouds, a random phone call to a friend. Before I know it, these four years are going to be up and I don't want to miss a single second of it because I was too busy to catch the little moments. The little things (sorry cliche, again) are what make life big.
3. It's okay to say no. It does not make me less of a person.
Going from senior year in high school, where I had finally figured out my routine and where I fit, to freshman year of college where I did not yet have a place, was a real game changer for me. I was very used to being busy, constantly. So, I quickly started to try to find things to do with my time - clubs to join, events to attend, the whole shebang. One of the sweet things about Gardner-Webb is that you don't have to look too hard to find ways to get involved. But, much faster than I had expected, I was overwhelmed. Boy, did things to do find me. "Do you want to go with me to...?" "Will you help me with..?" "Can you find time to...?" Ahhhh! Part of my DNA is that I find it very difficult to say no. NO. Two simple letters that I can't bring to come out of my mouth. I don't know if it's a fear of letting people down or wanting to appear a certain way... but I just can't do it. I spent a lot of the year learning how to gracefully decline. Learning that I'd rather have quality over quantity in my life. It is unfair to myself (and to the things I'm involved in) to try to do everything.
4. People are in desperate need of love.
One of the coolest things I have gotten to do this year is to become a Young Life leader. That's right. God chose to place me at Shelby High School to love His kids there. It's pretty sweet if you ask me. But, the more I wander those halls and hang out with those high schoolers the more I learn one thing. This world is broken. The further I get in life, the more evident it becomes. There is so much hatred, anger, and emptiness. Everywhere I turn I see people searching for fulfillment in all of the wrong places and they NEED love. They need God's love. God has broken my heart this year for high school girls and I can't wait to get to show them where the love they are looking for really comes from.
5. I can't pour out to others if I am not full.
Young Life has taught me SO MANY THINGS. Even in the short semester I've been leading, God has been doing some big work. Like I said, those high schoolers are broken. They need Jesus and I want to show them who He is. BUT, that's not a job I can accomplish on my own. Lucky for me, God promised me I don't have to do anything alone. Through the semester (and through a whole lot of prayer) I have been learning how to lean on Jesus and find my strength to love people in Him.
6. Loving others isn't easy.
Speaking of loving people, it's hard. Especially living with a group of 7 girls in a very small space, I have been challenged to love people better. Sometimes it is not something that my little heart is capable of doing. People are frustrating. And rude. And harsh. BUT, they all deserve love. Talk about tough. I have spent a lot of time praying 1 John 4:19, "we love because He first loved us." We choose to love because He loves us. We CAN love because He loves us. The love I have in my heart alone doesn't always go very far, but again, it's the kind of thing I'm learning how to rely on God for.
7. I deserve to be loved.
I spend a lot of time talking a lot about loving people. Because I sure do love people. I like making sure they feel loved and cared for - because they deserve it. But what I sometimes forget is that I deserve love too. A lot of times this year I have found myself settling for being pushed aside or for unfair treatment, but that is not what I deserve. I am so thankful for my sweet, sweet boyfriend, Erick, who reminds me every single day of that. I deserve love, too. I deserve to be cared about, too. Not because of anything that I have done, but just because I exist. I am a Child of God, too, and because of that, I deserve love. Wow, what a hard lesson to learn and really accept.
8. People matter most.
Those random cookout runs and late nights that ended up turning into early mornings (whoops) are what I will remember about college. Truly. I look back over freshman year and don't remember too many of the nights that I spent studying (and trust me they happened a lot), but the adventures! The friends! Giving my time and energy to people was so worth it. These relationships are what will last when I get out of Gardner-Webb.
9. Being present is better than being prepared.
College is school. That's why I am there, to get a degree so that I can become a teacher. A lot of times this year I got swept away in class work. Hours of studying, piles of homework, and way too much stress. But, is class really the only purpose of college? Now, I'm not saying I didn't study at all, because that would be wasting this opportunity God gave me. But, I can say that to learn in a classroom is not my only purpose at Gardner-Webb. It is to grow. And to thrive! If I spent all of this year preparing for what was next instead of focusing on what was in front of me, I would miss God's purpose for my life. I would rather be present. It is SO much sweeter that way.
10. My plans are silly and will fail.
Being honest, lacrosse is what got me to Gardner-Webb. I probably would have never heard of this sweet, little school in Boiling Springs, NC if my lacrosse coach hadn't pointed me it's direction. With that, my biggest plan when coming to college was to play four years of Division 1 lacrosse. That's what I was recruited to do, that's what I went to do. WRONG! I planned and planned and planned every little thing that I would have to do to have a successful lacrosse career, but, I learned really fast that my plans WILL fail. Randomly, out of nowhere, I tore my ACL. Again! For the 3rd time! What. I would have to get two surgeries (with 18 months of rehab) to fix it. Double what. After a lot of prayers, I learned that my plan for my life is not always God's plan for my life. So, no more lacrosse for me. But hey, I trust what God is doing.
11. I am not defined by what I do.
Woah. This is something that is really easy to say but very hard to believe. All of my life I have labeled myself as "the lacrosse player." Or "the good student." What I did was who I was. Why do we believe this? Why do we think that we are defined by whatever we choose to throw ourselves into? This year I was shaken into knowing this wasn't true. After having to stop playing lacrosse or getting a less than perfect grade, I realized who I was was not falling apart. I am God's kid. That's it. I am not defined by anything I do. My worth doesn't come from anything I do. "You're a good, good father. It's who you are, and I'm loved by you. It's who I am." I have sung this over and over again this year, reminding myself of the truth in it.
12. Time apart is good and necessary.
After my knee injury, I planned to finish my freshman year lacrosse season hurt. But again, my plans don't always work out because I was hit with a case of mono. No lacrosse. Mono made me tired. Things that I loved to do ended up being really exhausting. I had to take a step back from always running around rest. I spent a lot of time alone just relaxing and refreshing. I learned that the time I spent apart was good. It's really easy to get drained from running around all the time and our bodies need to rest.
13. Real rest, like good for the soul rest, comes from the Lord.
Like I said, I was forced into a lot of time to rest. With mono, sleep was good. But with life, sleep doesn't always give me the rest I'm really looking for. More times than I would like to admit, life seemed to be flying 100 miles per hour around me and I thought I was going to break. I learned this year that the peace I so desperately wanted would only come from one place. Jesus. I was worried, anxious, and overwhelmed. God wanted me to trust. He wanted me to sit and just be with Him. To rest in Him. A comforting song by Casting Crowns says, "So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away, you're not alone, stop holding on and just be held. Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place. I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held." Mmm. Good stuff.
14. I am not perfect. I am human.
This fact of life is simple; we will face struggles as long as we're here on earth. Always. It's not a "maybe," it's a guarantee in scripture. This is a promise that REALLY frustrates me. I am not perfect and my life is not perfect. I have had to learn and know this year that my hardest battles have been filtered through God's hands and allowed into my life for the purpose of driving me into a deeper dependence on Him. I have learned that my imperfection and dependence on Him is sweet, not bitter. I have had to learn to embrace my humanity. In my feelings of sadness, brokenness, and disappointment, I am reminded of my constant need for Him. Really, that's what He's after. Not my perfection, but my heart. Not my sufficiency or my togetherness, but my dependence. Not my quick prayers when I thank Him for a good life, but my full and desperate attention. I have learned this year that my attention is fully His when I acknowledge and accept my humanity and desperately depend on Him second by second.
15. I AM loved.
Man, God has been faithful. He has been good, through and through. Even when things got tough, I could still see His presence (even if it sometimes took a lot of looking). But wow, I am loved. I am overwhelmed knowing that there is a God who cares enough about me to provide for me and to stand by me. Mmm, what a sweet truth.
There it is. 15 BIG lessons I learned. I almost wanted to apologize for the lengthiness of this post, but I will not. I learned SO much from my first year at Gardner-Webb and I know that there are so many lessons to come. So, freshman year, thank you. Thank you for the joy, the pain, the memories, the friends, and all of the lessons.
